


An Honest Encounter

by StreetSolo



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: BTVS Season Six, F/M, Season/Series 06, Spuffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 04:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1591115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StreetSolo/pseuds/StreetSolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A [fabricated] unaired episode set during season six. Buffy encounters a demon that forces her to tell the truth and reveal her darkest secrets. While the Scooby gang searches for a cure, Buffy seeks out Spike for an honest conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

            Buffy felt sore all over. Her limbs ached, her cuts bled, and her head was sore from being smashed against the stone crypt walls so many times. And that was just from sex with Spike.

            “Really, not in the mood for this,” Buffy panted as she got to her feet, leaning against one of the many headstones for balance. The creature in front of her was u-g-l-y ugly. It was a dark purple color, slightly fuzzy in all the wrong places, like against the back of its arms and the insides of its thighs. Eww. It had four, maybe five eyes, around its head and two long tentacles that emerged from two slits underneath them. It’s mouth was long, almost like a snout, and he kept making all these hissing and sucking noises, revealing two rows of little sharp jagged teeth and a pointed tongue. Gross. Her arm was already bleeding from where it had scratched her with its claws, leaving her with four bloody gashes on her left arm and a ripped pink cashmere sweater which she had only worn twice. She knew she shouldn’t have worn it tonight. If Spike didn’t tear it, something else would have. Sure enough.

            She shifted her weight onto her back leg as she kicked the side of its monstrous face. It let out a groan and stumbled back a few steps. Buffy tossed her head to the side, getting the bangs out of her face. “I just want to go home,” Buffy grunted as she charged at it. She threw punch after punch, trying to ignore the ache which had increased to a solid pounding in her temple. Really. Home. Warm bed. Shower even. Since when is that too much to ask for?

            The monster rushed at her. It was bigger than she was, and it knocked her over, pinning her to the ground. As she squirmed to get its monstrous weight off her chest, she felt a piercing behind each ear, in the soft skin just under the hairline. Her vision flashed to bright white, then yellow, and she cried out as she felt her blood boiling as it coursed through her veins. Venom? Poison? What oh-so-not-yummy flavor of crap was in those tentacles? More importantly, what was it he was pumping into her?

            “Buffy!” She heard the cry as the monster went sprawling into the grass beside her. She tried to sit up, but her forehead ached as she laid back down, the cool, dewy grass brushing against the back of her neck. It felt good, in contrast to the explosions of pain everywhere else in her body, and she allowed herself to lie there while she heard the sounds of fighting a few feet beside her. Funny, they sounded so far away.

            “Buffy.” Suddenly she was being lifted into his arms, and she had to admit that it felt good. Not as good as the dew on the back of her neck, but this was a different kind of good. A warm good. A safe good. She pressed her forehead into his neck and nestled further into his arms. “Let me take you back to my crypt.”

            Crypt?! Suddenly alarms began to ring in her head. Crypt meant vampire and vampire meant……Spike. How did she _not_ realize that Spike was the one who saved her? Oh great. She began to struggle in his arms, trying to get to her feet.

            “Easy,” Spike said loudly. “Is that the thanks I get for saving your life?”

            “Spike, let me down,” Buffy said as she continued to struggle. “I want to go home.”

            Spike sighed. “As you wish, pet.” She felt the air against her face and realized they were moving. But if she came through the front door being carried in by Spike, they would know where she had been that night….and Dawn would probably have a major freak-attack.

            “No, Spike, I can get home myself,” Buffy argued, starting to wrestle out of his grip again.

            “We’re here, luv,” Spike said softly in her ear. She opened her eyes and realized they were in her room. How did they get here so fast? How had she not realized? How did-?

            “Dawn-“ Buffy managed weakly.

            “Don’t worry, Dawn and your little witchy friend are all tucked in for the night,” Spike said. “I took the back way in, just to be sure.”

            “Uh-huh,” Buffy said as Spike eased her onto the bed. She curled up against the pillow and closed her eyes. She felt a little colder without Spike there, just a little bit lonely, but she would never admit that to him, much less to herself.

            “You rest, I’ll go get you cleaned up,” Spike said, but she was already fast asleep. He set about the house as quietly as possible, getting rubbing alcohol for her cuts and ice to rub along the back of her neck. She always liked that. He stayed until dawn, enjoying the little noises she made as he caressed her cheek, or the way she would roll towards him, reaching out for him. She never called his name in her sleep, but maybe that was for the best. He didn’t know what he would do if she did.

            By the time Buffy awoke, he was gone. She sat up, feeling considerably better than the night before. Spike had bandaged her up, and she took a moment to inspect his handiwork. It was so carefully done, each stretch of gauze in neat parallel lines, just the way her mother would do it. Riley had almost wrapped gauze hastily, like they were in the middle of combat, and it always fell apart by noon. She moved her arm around a bit, but no, this was tight. Secure. She put her arm down as she looked straight ahead, hit with a small pain of longing. She missed Spike.

            She sat up quickly and headed towards the shower, literally ripping the gauze from her arm as she went. What was she thinking? She couldn’t _miss_ Spike. That was absurd. Spike equals vampire and vampire equals very bad things. She was just lucky Spike hadn’t taken advantage of her in her sleep.

            “He wouldn’t,” Buffy murmured as she combed her fingers through her hair under the jet of water from the showerhead. She paused, not exactly sure where that burst on confidence in him came from. He had no soul. He had a chip in his head preventing him from hurting people, although she was apparently no longer on that list.

            She headed down to breakfast that morning, listening to the sounds of Willow and Dawn in the kitchen as she headed down the stairs. It immediately put a smile on her face. Making breakfast. Good. Normal. A good vampire-free breakfast was exactly what she needed right now.

            “Hey everybody,” Buffy said as she walked into the kitchen, zeroing in on the refrigerator to get some milk before Dawn drank it all again.

            “Buffy,” Willow said in greeting. “We didn’t hear you come in last night. Out patrolling late again?”

            “Yeah,” Buffy answered, a bit less brightly. “I was on my way back from Spike’s when I ran into this giant ‘Creature from the Purple Lagoon.’ It got on top of me, but Spike managed to scare it off before….and why are we all staring at me like I have three heads?”

            “You were with Spike?” Dawn asked. “What were you doing over there?”

            “We just had sex, it’s not like-“ Buffy answered, not catching herself until she caught the horrified look on their faces. She quickly burst into a bit of forced laughter as Dawn and Willow exchanged uneasy glances. “Oh you thought I was-“ She laughed again, trying to dispel their uneasiness.

            It wasn’t working.

            “Buffy, are you okay?” Willow asked.

            “I hit my head last night,” Buffy said quickly, keeping her lips tightly pursed between each word, as if something else might slip out.

            “Uh-huh,” Dawn said, but she was eying Buffy up and down suspiciously.

            “Here, um, you go off to school and I’m going to go to the Magic Shop and start looking into whatever demon thing we’re up against.” She planted a kiss on Dawn’s forehead, but Dawn said nothing as she huffed out of the room.

            “Willow, can you make sure Dawn gets to school okay?”

            “On it,” Willow replied. “You sure you’re okay, Buffy?”

            “No,” Buffy responded. She quickly forced a laugh. “I mean, demon after demon. It never ends, right? It’s always the- I’m gonna go.” She quickly grabbed her coat and headed out the door, letting it slam behind her.

            Dawn came back into the doorway and leaned against it, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s finally happened,” she said as she turned to Willow. “She’s officially lost it.” 


	2. Chapter 2

            Buffy walked down the street quickly. Why had she told them she was sleeping with Spike? They asked and she had just…told them, just like that. It just…slipped out of her. It had to have something to do with that demon last night. Unless Spike….no, what could Spike have done to her? Use a truth serum on her to get her to admit her feelings for him? She laughed out loud and then shook her head. Ugh, she had to stop thinking about him. If she could only get his name out of her head, then maybe she wouldn’t accidently tell anyone what they had been doing. Ummmm….homework….oh that’s a pretty kitty….Spikes likes to eat…..DAMMIT….Spike Spike Spike. Urgh…….

            “I need an ID on a demon I was up against last night,” Buffy said briskly as she walked in. Keep in simple. All business. Then she couldn’t risk saying something she might regret later.

            “Okay,” Xander said, walking out from behind the counter where he had been talking to Anya. “But I think we’re going to need a little more to go on than just demon.”

            “Well,” said Buffy, waiting for Xander and Anya to take a seat at the large table in front of her. “It was big. And purple. And ugly.”

            “Barney the dinosaur?” Xander asked. Buffy narrowed her eyes at him.

            “It had hair.” She illustrated on her own body where the creature had hair. “And his mouth-“ She illustrated in the air the shape of his snout.

            “Are we playing charades? Anya asked, glancing at Xander. “Because I’m not very good at this game.”

            Xander shook his head, deciding not to answer. “Tommyknockers? Are you saying we’re up against a Tommyknocker?”

            “A tommy-what?” Buffy asked blankly.

            “It’s nothing,” Xander replied quickly, opening up a book. “Okay, so we’re up against a big, hairy purple demon of some sort. Anything else we should know about this creature, Buff?”

            Buffy paused for a moment. Remembered its tentacles. Remembered-

            “It stabbed me, with the tentacles coming out of his nose.” Buffy put her hands behind her ears, feeling two dime-sized circular marks with her fingertips.

            “Are you all right?” Anya asked. “Any poison? Paralysis? That could help us narrow down what we’re after.”

            “I was a bit out of it,” Buffy admitted. “I just – it was on top of me, and it felt like my whole body was burning from the inside out.”

            Xander’s eyes widened. “And you’re all right?”

            “Yeah, Spike knocked it off of me,” Buffy sighed. “He, uh, helped me get home.”

            “Spike?” Xander asked loudly.

            “Um,” Buffy said quickly, sitting down at the table. “So let’s hit those books, huh?”

            A few hours later, they were still no closer to finding the kind of demon that Buffy had faced, but at least Willow had joined them in the search. Anya was clearly getting bored of the whole thing and had started talking about her upcoming wedding….again.

            “You know, this whole wedding thing will be here before you know it,” Anya said dreamily, walking around the table. “So who are you two bringing as dates?”

            “Well, I was thinking of asking Tara,” Willow said quietly. “I mean, if she’ll go with me and all.”

            “I think she will,” Buffy said with a smile as she closed the book in front of her.

            “What about you Buffy?” Willow asked. “Were you going to bring someone?”

            “I was thinking I could ask Spike,” Buffy began, but stopped when she saw the look on their faces. “But, I mean. I haven’t asked him or anything. So. Maybe I – I won’t.”

            “You two seem to be getting a little chummy lately,” Xander murmured.

            “Well, it’s true that we have been spending a lot of time together recently,” Buffy began quickly. “But it’s just because, um, well, you know…”

            “But it’s not true?” Willow asked. “What you said this morning? You’re not actually sleeping with him, are you Buffy?”

            “Buffy? Sleep with Spike?” Xander started laughing, but stopped when he saw the look on Buffy’s face. “I mean, you’re not. Are you, Buff?”

            “Um,” Buffy managed. She felt like she had to say something but she kept her lips sealed. It was like the truth was literally trying to spill out of her. She had to say it. She had to say something. Start with something simple, okay simple. Um. Um. “My name is Buffy.”

            “Oh it’s okay,” Xander said quickly. “It’s just the Buffybot.”

            “I am not the Buffybot,” Buffy said loudly.

            “I know what’s going on here,” Anya said as she flipped through the books. “Here we go…there.” She held up the book for Buffy to see. “Is that the demon that attacked you last night?”

            Buffy lowered her face closer to the book. Big snout, hairy, creepy tentacles. That was indeed the monster of the week. “That’s it.”

            “Just as I thought. It’s a Parrhesia demon. It’s Greek. It means, ‘to tell literally everything.’”

            “Literally everything?” Buffy asked blankly.

            “It means you have to tell the truth,” Anya answered. “You can’t lie.”

            Buffy made a small noise in the back of her throat as everyone looked in her direction.

            “So is that what’s been going on here?” Willow asked, almost accusingly. “All that stuff you said about Spike? It’s true?”

            “How long does it last?” Buffy asked, turning desperately to Anya.

            “The serum spreads from its tentacles into your bloodstream,” Anya answered, reading from the book. “They’re very rare. I’ve only heard of them up until now. They’ve been considered extinct for centuries, killed off for their tentacles. If you drain the fluid out, they make a very powerful truth serum to sell on the black market.”

            “But how long does it last?” Buffy asked hotly. “How long am I going to be stuck like this?”

            “A day at most,” Anya shrugged. “It just needs time to work its way out of your system, but if you got hit last night, I think you should be better by tomorrow.”

            Buffy looked down at the floor and concentrated on her breathing. She felt her cheeks burning…..her friends knew. This was too much. She had to go. Like right now. Maybe even sooner.

            “I’m going on patrol,” Buffy said quietly.

            “Wait, Buffy,” Willow said. “You should stay here. Talk to us. We’re your friends. We’d understand-“

            “Understand what?” Buffy asked, feeling the tears well up behind her eyes. “You hate him. All of you do. Even I do, sometimes. All the bad that he’s done….I know what he is.” She suppressed a sob. “All I know is lately the only time I feel normal again is when I’m with him. When I’m screwing a vampire that’s tried to kill all of you.” Buffy’s tears were openly flowing at this point. “So tell me how that’s normal. Tell me again how you’d understand.”

            The other sat there, not knowing how to react. “I’m going on patrol,” Buffy said quickly, grabbing her jacket and heading out the door before anyone could stop her.

            “Buffy and Spike,” Xander said to himself. “I mean, all the times I saw him putting the moves on Buffy, I never thought-“

            “Do you think he’s taking advantage of her?” Willow asked. “Manipulating her in some way?”

            “Maybe he’s using a spell of some kind?” Anya asked. “A love spell maybe?”

            “I don’t think-“ Xander began, then stopped when both girls turned to him. “Okay, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I don’t think it’s a love spell. Buffy’s been acting differently since she’s gotten back. I mean, it’s no secret how Spike feels about her. Maybe she went to him. Maybe he knew all along.”

            “You really think she would tell him and not us?” Willow asked. “But we’re her friends.”

            “Just her friends that pulled her out of heaven,” Xander countered.

            “He has a point,” Anya admitted.

            “So what do we do?” Willow asked quietly. Suddenly the bell chimed and Dawn walked into the Magic Shop, slinging her backpack on the counter.

            “You will never guess what happened at school today-“ Dawn stopped when she saw the look on their faces. “What’s wrong? Where’s Buffy?”


	3. Chapter 3

            Buffy walked through the graveyard, any hint that she had been crying gone from her face. Gotta thank those super slayer healing powers. Too bad those didn’t work on emotional wounds as well. She thought about going to Spike’s crypt, but she didn’t know if she should. Part of it felt wrong, but the other part felt right. Really, really right. Still, it was probably best to stay away from him. Who knows what incriminating-

            “Slayer.”

            -Damn.

            Spike swaggered up to her, a smile playing on his lips. “How are you feeling?”

            “Can we go back to your crypt?” Buffy asked quickly. She didn’t know if her friends would chase after her, and if they did, they probably wouldn’t enter Spike’s crypt and find her shirtless in his “bed.”

            Spike’s eyebrows shot up as he licked his lower lip, looking her over. Buffy quickly pushed past him, heading for his crypt. “All play and no work,” Spike said as he followed her. When they finally got there, Spike shut the door behind them. “Guess she is feeling better.”

            “Shut up, Spike,” Buffy reached forward to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Spike returned the kiss, grabbing her forearms and pushing her back against the wall.

            Suddenly he started laughing. He didn’t pull away, but he kept laughing. A vicious, dirty sound. His laugh of superior victory. Oh no-

            “You think I don’t know?” he asked. Buffy looked down, averting her eyes. “Don’t quite feel like talking? Well that’s okay, because I do. You faced a Parrhesia demon last night, luv. It stabbed you, injected you with some of its juice, and now-“ he leaned over her. “-now you have to tell the truth.”

            “So what do you want me to say?” Buffy asked.

            “Well, since we met, you’ve been playing me like a fiddle,” Spike said. “And now that you’re finally in the mood for giving out some honest answers, I want to hear some. For example, how do you feel about me? I want to know.”

            “I guess that’s fair,” Buffy said quietly, accepting it. It was going to come to this eventually. Might as well get it over with.

            “That’s fair?” Spike echoed. “No Slayer holier-than-thou attitude?”

            “Not tonight,” Buffy said softly, taking a seat. Spike sat down beside her. They sat in silence for a while, waiting for Buffy to speak. Spike’s whole demeanor seemed to change as he sat beside her, shifting from gloating to supportive.

            “My friends found out-“ She shook her head. “I told my friends about us. It just…came out, and now they know. But how they looked at me…how can I face them again?”

            “Because sleeping with me is such a crime,” Spike muttered.

            “It is,” Buffy burst. “It is. It’s disgusting and wrong. You’re evil. The only thing that keeps you from killing all my friends right now is that chip in your skull.”

            “That’s not true,” Spike said loudly, getting to his feet. “I took care of your little sis while you were gone. I helped the others fight and slay. I was your ally, and this is the thanks I get? You come back and suddenly I’m back on the Island of Misfit Toys again until you need me? Do you really think it’s the chip that’s done all that? I’ve changed, Buffy. You know I have.”

            “You have changed,” Buffy admitted quietly. “That’s what makes it worse.”

            “How so?”

            “Because I’ll always wonder if the only reason you’ve changed is because of that chip in your skull. How can I trust you?”

            “You can trust me, Buffy.” Spike ran his hand along her cheek. “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

            “But how do I know that?” Buffy asked, her voice shaky with tears.

            Spike smiled. “You need to let me prove that to you, luv. See, I used to think you liked the hurt. But now I see. You’re afraid of getting hurt again. That I’ll become the Big Bad and disappear just like your other boyfriend.”

            Buffy’s lip trembled. “I do. Sometimes. Have feelings for you. Times when you’re all I think about. Because when I’m here I feel safe. I feel like…I feel like there’s nothing else I have to worry about. But I don’t know if its love. I don’t know if I could ever truly love you.” She shook her head. “I don’t even think I know what love is right now.”

            “The way I see it,” Spike said, sitting back down again. “There’s two kinds of love. There’s an obsessive, passionate kind of love that drives you mad. But then there’s a deeper kind of love. A respect, an understanding. And that’s what you and I have, Buffy, an understanding.”

            “I don’t believe that,” Buffy said. “You don’t really know me. You know the Slayer.”

            “Then let me know her,” Spike said. “You come in here and we shag and you leave but you keep your walls up. You never let me get close.”

            “Because you can never be what I want,” Buffy hissed. “You think I like this?” Sneaking around behind everyone’s backs? I almost wish they knew sooner. Too late now I guess.”

            “What do you want me to do?” Spike asked, so quietly it was barely audible.

            “I want you to be…” Buffy hesitated before she could finally form the words. “…a normal boyfriend.”

            “I can be,” Spike interrupted.

            “But you can’t,” Buffy insisted. “You can’t come home and have dinner with me. You can’t take me out on dates….you can’t even walk in the sun.”

            “I get around quite all right thanks,” Spike said. “Just give me enough shade and I’ll be fine.”

            “I don’t know what I want,” Buffy admitted. “I want to give you a chance, but I feel like I’d be letting everyone else down in the process.”

            “You know what I think?” Spike asked at length. “I think you’re afraid of letting yourself down. Because what if it works and it’s great and then it fails, just like that soldier boy. ‘Why enjoy something good if it’s gonna end?’ Am I right? You’re not worried about me messing up, you’re worried about you.”

            “You’re right,” Buffy admitted. A tear fell onto her hand, making her jump a little. “But that’s another reason why we can’t be together. I’m always going to have these doubts…”

            “Okay, you know what?” Spike asked. “I’m done with this back and forth game. You know how I feel about you. And you have feelings for me – don’t deny it, you said it, it’s done. But this back and forth? I can’t take it and I’m done being your little chew toy. Until you suss out what you really do want I think you should go.”

            “I’m sorry,” Buffy said quietly, getting to her feet. She paused at the door. “I do want you….to be my boyfriend? Sometimes, I really do. I just don’t think it will work.”

            Spike let her walk out the door without a word. He waited until her scent was washed out by the wind before he pulled a bottle off the floor. He looked at it, thought about taking a swig, but threw it at the wall instead, watching the glass shards burst as they scattered themselves across the floor. He stared at it for a moment, as if he was trying to make sense of what he just did, before he headed out the door, his face expressionless. 


	4. Chapter 4

            Buffy took the long walk home slowly. She missed Spike, dammit. She didn’t want to leave, but she wasn’t being fair to him. What Spike did was perfectly reasonable…she just didn’t particularly like being on the receiving end of it.

            She walked up the front steps and opened the door slowly. She had seen the living room lights on through the window as she walked up and expected to see Dawn, up and watching a movie, maybe with Willow. What she did not expect was the whole gang.

            “What’s going on?” Buffy asked. “Are we in trouble.”

            “I think we need to have an intervention,” Xander said as calmly as possible.

            “An intervention?” Buffy exclaimed, her voice rising. “Why? Because of Spike and-?”

            “Not Spike,” Xander said quickly. “Well, sort of. This is for us. We feel like you haven’t really been honest with us since you got back. We’re your friends Buffy. We just want to help in any way we can.”

            “Help me with what?” Buffy asked.

            “We know what we – what I did, it was wrong Buffy,” Willow spoke up. “But we had no idea of knowing where you were. Did you, did you tell Spike?”

            “Yes,” Buffy said quietly.

            “When?” Willow asked.

            “Pretty much right away,” Buffy admitted.

            “But why?” Xander asked. “Why would you turn to him and not us?”

            “Because you did this to me,” Buffy burst. “Every day I live in hell. Some new crisis to solve or another friend to save and you all turn to me for the answers. At least there I was happy. I was at peace.” Everyone was silent for a while before Buffy spoke again. “I know you didn’t meant to do it. I know. But it’s going to take some time for me to adjust to everything, okay?”

            “Adjusting,” Xander repeated. “Adjusting we understand. But sleeping with Spike? How can you trust him? How can you trust him around Dawn?”

            “Hey,” Dawn said loudly.

            “I have trusted Spike so many times,” Buffy sniffed. “Remember when he was kidnapped by Glory? He was ready to give his life to protect her.”

            “Buffy,” Dawn said in a sisterly voice. “I know. I trust Spike too. I just…I think we’re all concerned. I mean, first you say you hate his guts and the next minute you’re hooking up? We just want to understand.”

            “I don’t understand it,” Buffy admitted. “I don’t love him but everything is just simpler when I’m with him. I’m…” She laughed. “Happy. As happy as I can be, at any rate. I just wish I didn’t have to hide it.”

            “Well, it’s not really a secret anymore,” Anya said loudly from her spot on the couch.

            “What do you want us to do?” Willow asked.

            “To accept him,” Buffy answered. “I mean, to at least try. He’s a good guy now.”

            “Because of a chip,” Xander said. “Buffy, I know you care for him and he’s done good, I can admit that, but you and Spike?”

            “Can you please just give him a chance?” Buffy asked. “Please?”

            “What would Giles say?” Xander asked in a low voice.

            “Giles isn’t here,” Buffy exclaimed. “And right now, I don’t care. I want to give Spike a chance at being a normal boyfriend, but I can’t do that when all of you clearly hate him.”

            “I don’t hate him,” Dawn said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I just wish you had told us sooner, instead of by some weird demon beetlejuice.”

            “He’s not one of the gang,” Xander insisted.

            “But we’ll give him a chance.” Willow shot Xander a look, probably mentally telling him that they would talk about this later.

            Xander sighed. “But you’re our friend, Buff. If you want us to take this guy in, we’ve got your back.”

            “Thanks,” Buffy said, smiling weakly at him.

            “I know,” Willow said, clapping her hands together. “We can have Spike over here for dinner tomorrow. All of us. A good old getting-to-know-Spike day.”

            “Are you sure?” Buffy asked nervously. “I mean, I don’t want to-“

            “No, it’ll be great,” Willow said over-enthusiastically. “But do you think Spike’s…do you think Spike’s up for that?”

            Buffy shrugged. “I mean, there’s only one way to find out.” She slipped on her jacket and headed out into the night.

            “Are you really supporting this?” Xander asked when he was sure that she had left. “Buffy and Spike?”

            “Do I look like I have a choice?” Willow asked huffily. “I pulled her out, I kind of owe her a big one.” She paused. “Besides, we have to let things run its course. If we play along then maybe she will realize they’re not right for each other after all.”

            “But what if they are?” Dawn asked. “I mean, Buffy liked having him around even before this. I’m not saying they’re meant to be, but I like him better than Angel.”

            “Dawn,” Xander warned.

            “What?” Dawn exclaimed. “She’s my sister and if she wants to go sleeping around with vampires instead of slaying them-“ She stopped, putting her hand over her mouth.

            “Let’s get you to bed, Dawnie,” Willow said quietly, putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her up the stairs.

            Xander turned back to Anya, exasperated. “Can you believe this?” he asked.

            Anya looked up from the bridal magazine she had been thumbing through. “Believe what?”

 

MEANWHILE…

 

            Buffy was a little nervous but extremely excited as she entered Spike’s crypt. That excitement soon morphed into worry as she saw shards of broken glass, the contents of the bottle forming a dark puddle on the ground that looked almost like blood. “Spike?” she called out. “Spike?”

            Suddenly the door opened and Spike walked in, a paper bag of bottles under one arm. He put it down and turned to face her. “Oh. She returns. Right then. Here to tell me off, Slayer?”

            “No, I was-“ She suddenly caught sight of Spike’s bulging, squirming pockets. “Were you gambling for kittens again?”

            “No,” Spike answered immediately, but a faint “mew” from his jacket quickly rose in protest.

            “Oh, that is disgusting,” Buffy yelled. “And here I was about to invite you to dinner and- ugh, well now I can’t-“

            “Buffy,” Spike said loudly, and Buffy immediately stopped talking. “What. Dinner?”

            “I told my friends about us,” Buffy said. “They wanted to give you a chance. I came over here to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.”

            “Uh-huh,” Spike said. “And let me guess. This dinner was your idea?”

            “Willow’s,” Buffy said quietly.

            “The witch?” Spike laughed. “Well, that’s rich.”

            “Well, I guess I’ll just have to tell her you send your regrets,” Buffy spat as she headed towards the door.

            “Hey now,” Spike said, holding her back. “I’ll go.”

            “Sorry, we don’t serve kittens at the table,” Buffy sneered.

            Spike sighed and turned out his pockets, letting the little kittens run free. They scampered back into the crypt, hiding under various piles of rubbish. “Buffy-“

            “No, this was a mistake,” Buffy said as she headed for the door. “I should have known-“

            Spike grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. “Do you like doing this? Pushing me away just to watch me come chasing after you?”

            Buffy looked at up at him and smiled. “Yes.”

            Spike kissed her, kissed her hard, placing both hands around her face as he pushed her back into the wall of the crypt. “So, tomorrow night?” he asked.

            “Tomorrow night,” Buffy panted breathlessly, his lips only inches from hers. They stank of alcohol and cheap cigarettes, but they were Spike’s lips. And right now she wanted them all over her.

            “Well that’s a long ways away,” Spike said, his lips barely brushing hers as he spoke. Buffy trembled for lack of contact. “What should we do now? To pass the time?”

            Buffy couldn’t take it any longer. She threw herself at him, knocking him flat on his back. Her lips were on his in a second and she was kissing him, pulling him closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her, and as his fingertips brushed the smooth skin of her back, she realized that she could feel. She wasn’t dead. She was alive. With every kiss, with every touch, he made her real.

            And that was exactly what she needed right now.


	5. Chapter 5

            How did she ever think this was a good idea? She had been gone a long time, but never in a million years did she ever think she would take Spike for a “meet-the-folks” dinner. But here he was, in his signature black jacket, sitting around the table like the rest of her friends. It was awkward. How could this not be awkward? Willow had at least convinced Tara to come to even out some of the tension, but it was one Slayer, two witches, a Xander, a sister, an ex-demon and a vampire.

            Willow had gone with pizza and wings, which was fine by Buffy’s standards. It wasn’t the food she was worried about. It was the conversation. And the tension hovering so thick in the air that you could cut it with a knife. At least the seating arrangements had been easy enough. To Buffy’s right sat Spike, then Dawn, then Xander, then Anya, then Tara, then Willow, who sat to Buffy’s left.

            “So,” said Willow after everyone had sat down. She was trying so hard to look chipper even Tara felt sorry for her. “How goes the slaying?”

            “The usual,” Buffy answered, pulling at the edge of the pizza crust. “Still need to find the Parcheesi demon.”

            “Parrhesia,” Anya said through a mouthful of food. “It’s Greek. It means-“

            “We know what it means sweetie,” Xander said quickly as he dipped his head towards her. He was doing his best not to acknowledge Spike, and Spike seemed to be doing his best to not say anything that would get him slapped by the Slayer.

            There was silence for a few minutes before Dawn spoke up. “Spike, you should tell us a story. Remember the one with the-“

            “Another time, sweet pea,” Spike said quickly, averting Buffy’s eyes.

            “No, we’d love to hear a story,” Willow said quickly. “Like, what did you do before you were a vampire?”

            Spike paused, all eyes on the table on him.

            “Spike,” Buffy said. “You don’t have to-“

            “No, no,” Spike said, tossing his napkin on his plate. He had wolfed down two slices of pizza in all of about a minute. “I was, er, I was a poet. Not a very good one, but there you go.”

            “A poet?” Xander snickered.

            “I think it’s romantic,” Dawn said as she crossed her arms over her chest, looking pointedly at Buffy.

            “You should tell us how you got turned,” Anya said. “I think that would be much more interesting.”

            “No-“ said Buffy hesitantly, glancing over at Spike. “I mean, he doesn’t want to-“

            “Or how many people he killed,” Anya continued. “Best kill, worst kill…I mean, you killed two Slayers, didn’t you? There has to be a good story there.”

            The table was silent and Spike scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, I-“

            “Or Buffy can talk about how many vampires she killed,” Xander said. “Stake through the heart, beheading, what’s your favorite way to kill a vampire, Buffy?”

            “Oh, that’s enough,” Spike said.

            “Xander, can you stop?” Buffy asked loudly.

            “This is ridiculous,” Xander said, getting to his feet. “You should have heard what Giles had to say. I’m pretty sure he dropped his cup of tea.”

            “Giles?” Buffy demanded, getting to her feet as well. “You told _Giles_?”

            “Yes, and he’s concerned about you Buffy,” Xander said. “We all are.”

            “Xander-“ Buffy said.

            “Buffy-“ Spike said. He sounded tired, resigned.

            “He’s a vampire,” Xander said. “Think of all the bad things he’s done.” He looked at Willow and Tara. “Well, back me up here.”

            “He-“ Tara stammered, and everyone turned to her. “He-he he’s done some bad things in the past, sure but he-he’s also done a lot of good. He took care of Dawn when Buffy was…away. And I don’t think he would hurt any of us either.” She cast an almost apologetic smile at Buffy, which Buffy returned.

            “Will?” Xander asked desperately. Anya sat in place, watching the whole thing unfold, happily eating her pizza.

            “I-I don’t know,” Willow stammered. Buffy turned to her. “You’re my best friend, Buffy. But I just…I don’t know. It’s Spike. I mean, he tried to kill me so many times. And now we’re just supposed to accept him into the group? Just like that?”

            “I know it’s not going to be just like that,” Buffy said. “But you were the one who wanted to get to know Spike-“

            “Only because I feel guilty about what I did to you,” Willow said. “But I don’t think it’s right Buffy. I don’t think he’s right.”

            “Willow,” Buffy said softly.

            “Why don’t we take a vote?” Dawn asked. “I want him to stay. And so does Buffy. And-and Tara. And…Anya?”

            “I don’t care, I don’t vote either way,” Anya said.

            “So that’s three for Spike stays and two for Spike goes?” Dawn asked, looking between Xander and Willow. No one said anything.

            “I should go,” Spike said, getting to his feet.

            “No, Spike,” Buffy said quickly, but he already pushed past her into the kitchen, heading for the back door. “Please don’t go.”

            Spike sighed, turning around to face her. “Look, luv, I tried, but they don’t like me. They’re your friends. Your Scooby gang or what have you. You need them to back you up. And they can’t do that with me around. So I should go.”

            “But I don’t want you to,” Buffy said.

            “And that means a lot, luv,” Spike replied. “But I-“ He looked to the floor. “Maybe you, me? It’s better this way.”

            He put his hands on either side of Buffy’s head and kissed her on the forehead. Buffy couldn’t stop the tears streaming silently down her face. She felt him pull away and when she finally looked up again, the kitchen door was open and Spike was gone.

            She could feel her heart beating in her chest, but it was a low, hollow sound. Spike left her, just like that. All because of Xander and Willow. Because they couldn’t-

            “Buffy,” Xander said as he came into the room. He tried to touch Buffy’s shoulder comfortingly, but she pushed him away roughly, making him fall back into the counter.

            “Don’t touch me,” she said in a low voice. “He’s gone. Are you happy now? He’s gone.”

            She ran up the stairs to her room and locked the door, throwing herself down into the bed she had thought she might get to share with Spike that night. But no. Her friends couldn’t accept him. He was right. It would never work.

            But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to try.

 

MEANWHILE…

            Spike stalked around the crypt while Clem sat on the couch, listening. “And then he was all like, _You made Giles drop his cuppa bloody tea_ …”

            “Sounds like you had a rough night,” Clem said.

            “You know, I do what I can…time and time again those idiots need saving and I’m always there to bail them out. And what do I get? Run out of town with bloody torches,” Spike said, still pacing.

            “You know what you need?” Clem asked. “You need to show them that you’re not the same old Spike. That you’re different now. Better.”

            “Better,” Spike said. “The new Spike…new and improved.” He spoke slowly, as if a plan was formulating in his head. “Tell the Slayer I’ll be back.”

            “Where are you going? Clem asked as Spike stalked out of the crypt.

            “Something I need,” Spike replied. He would travel to the ends of the world to get it, but he had no other choice. That would shut Xander and put all of Buffy’s doubts to rest. He got on his motorcycle, stopping outside her house before he headed out of town. “Don’t worry, luv,” he said to her bedroom window. “Spike is coming home.”


End file.
